What to do when your parents try to control your wedding
One of the main reasons I love weddings so much is because party negotiations with your family are great practice for your future compromise with them. Setting loving boundaries is essential for the kick-off of many more family decisions to come:
- buying a home
- changing jobs
- having children
- selecting schools for (grand)children
All of which will undoubtedly have input from your folks.
Here are my rules:
- If you’re taking money from them, the right thing to do is include them in some of the decisions. You get to choose which, not them.
- Be very clear about what your vision is for the celebration. For instance, if you want a beach wedding with 50 guests, state your wishes right out of the gate.
- Allow your parents to be very clear about their expectations. For instance, if they prefer you get married at a church and invite 150 guests. Then meet somewhere in the middle. Again, you get to choose where you’re willing to budge. And remember that you need to budge now and forever because all good relationships require compromise.
- The loving part of setting boundaries: you are allowed to have an opinion and when stating them, keep in mind that your parents are the people whom most likely love you the most in this world. So act accordingly. Love them for raising you, love them for wanting the best for you and love them for their generosity. Then lovingly let them know that you differ in opinions and you KNOW this will be resolved. And resolve it. You get to choose where and how.
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